4 White Walls

I sit here, within my four white walls,
the sun shining brightly through the window
the sky outside glowing blue,
yet I sit here, with not a thing to do.

I feel as though I could drift off, asleep,
but I do not want to waste this day,
for it appears that this day
could pass for perfect.
Still here I sit, comfortable - safe.
Why can't I go outside
talk to people without offering only
a false smile of acceptance?

Why when I open my address book,
do the pages remain empty?
Why when I leave this room,
do I feel panicked and edgy?
Why do I cross the road
or hide in a nearby shop
when I see someone familiar
walking my way?

It is as though not being in total control,
of every situation makes me cringe.
Not wanting to leave this room,
into a world of uncontrollable chaos.
So....here I sit, with not a thing to do,
but millions of thoughts
to ponder, to dwell upon.
I guess one can only hope for change.

(C) Leanne Elliott - Written: 26.02.00

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